Desperate Flight Attendants

September 18, 2008 chocolateflygirl

As a little girl, I always thought flight attendants were so glamourous and pretty. Kind of like Miss American contestants in the sky. Now I realize that they are more like “Desperate Housewives”. And the sad part is that I’m becoming one of them. No matter how bad or scary things get, I just slap on my pastic smile and keep it moving….

Once day while landing in Newark, we had an aborted landing. An aborted landing is when the plane is landing (landing gear down, the airport is visible), when all of the sudden the gear retracts, the engines roar, and we start to go up. According to most pilots, this is a “standard” manuever. If you’ve never experienced it, it can be a bit scary. Apparently, due to the high volume of traffic that flies into Newark, it happens alot. One week, I had 3 aborted landings. At this point, they are more of a nuisance than anything. But the very first time it happened I was so scared. I’m sitting in my jumpseat, braced for landing; when all of the sudden the landing gear goes up and we start to climb. I’m thinking “What the hell?” I kept my nice plastic smile in place, but my heart was racing. The lady in the last row turns to me and asks, “are we going to die??” “Of course not, now turn the f*ck around before I bash you with this coffee pot”, I say. Ok, those aren’t my exact words, something close to that. We circle for what seems like eternity, and eventually have a normal landing. Even though my palms are still sweaty and my neck is throbbing with tension from my near death experience, I go right back into “desperate flight attendant mode” telling everyone buh bye and to have a nice day. There is a martini waiting for me in my one bedroom apartment on Wisteria Lane……..

A little inflight humor below!